Scared of Heights

100_0583I know the exact moment I became scared of heights. My parents were a part of a camping group when I was small. We would go camping often with the group. At one of the campgrounds, there were two towers facing each other. Each tower was two stories with a ladder against the back wall to climb to the second floor which had small windows. The kids decided to have a battle between the towers. We divided and climbed to the second floor. We were throwing things from the top windows. At some point in the battle, I stepped back and fell thru the opening in the floor to the ground. The next thing I knew, my parents were over me asking if I was okay. I had hit my head but was okay. I decided I was scared of heights that day.
Yet many would describe me as fearless when it comes to rope courses, rock climbing, and repelling. I have done crazy moves to get to the top of tall ladders. I have stood on the top of telephone poles and leapt to a trapeze bar. I have repelled aussie style down rock faces. I have cat walked across wires between two trees. I have zipped thru the tree tops on zip-lines. I have completely let go of a rock face to make a move. Even on low courses, I am the smallest on the team many times so I get lifted high and thrown at times to complete a task.
How can I say I am scared of heights yet be able to do all these things? What makes the difference?
I trust the equipment: the element itself, ropes, harnesses, and helmets. I trust the person who tied the knots and set the element up.  I trust the team of people at the other end of the rope. I trust the people who are on the ground encouraging me to do something I don’t think is possible. I simply trust. I have never gotten hurt in the many years I have done these things which should be impossible for someone who is scared of heights.
So am I really scared of heights?
I have to make the decision to be scared or trust.
To go to Africa, well there is a lot to be scared about. If you start to think, your mind could go crazy with what could or might go wrong. You are letting go of everything that is comfortable for the unknown.
Yet I trust God. I completely trust Him. Even though inside I have my fears, my trust in God overrides. I chose to trust. God has always been there for me in life. He planted that seed in me as a child of going to Africa one day. I had no idea it would be as a missionary but He did. I am an ordinary person compelled to Follow Him.